Animal Dad Jokes

I replaced my rooster with a duck…

Now I wake up at the quack of dawn

My son asked me, “Dad, what do bees eat?”

Me: Honey, how should I know?

My coworker asked me if I’ve seen the dog bowl

I said no, I didn’t even know he could do that

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can garden?

A lawn moo-er.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can write?

A moo-thor.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can read?

A moo-k worm.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can fly?

High steaks.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can swim?

A moo-rine.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can drive?

A moo-ving vehicle.

I'm no cheetah.

You're lion.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can paint?

A moo-sterpiece.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can sing?

A moo-sical.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can dance?

A moo-ver.

What do you call a cow that can surf?

A moo-ve maker.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that plays video games?

A moo-ver and shaker.

I told my cat a joke.

It was not amewsed.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?

De-calf-inated.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can't produce milk?

An udder failure.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can do magic?

Moo-dini.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can't stop laughing?

A laughing stock.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow with two legs shorter than the others?

Lean beef.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?

A moo-sician.

What do you call a dog that's been out in the cold?

A pupsicle.

What do you call a sleeping T-Rex?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A Labracadabrador.

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

What do you call a bear with no socks on?

Bare-foot.

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

De-calf-inated.

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

What do you call a dog that does math?

A count hound.

What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?

Purr-suasive.

What do you call a cow that can't moo?

A milk dud.

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom.

What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cat that eats lemons?

A sour puss.

What do you call a bird that's afraid to fly?

Chicken.

What do you call a rabbit that tells jokes?

A funny bunny.

What do you call a dog in the winter?

A chili dog.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a horse that lives next door?

A neigh-bor.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a dog that does science experiments?

A Lab.

What do you call a cat that bowls?

An alley cat.

What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie?

So-fish-ticated.

What do you call a cow on a trampoline?

A milkshake.

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

What do you call a sleeping lizard?

A calm-eleon.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

I just watched a documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam show I ever saw.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

What do you call a cow that just had a baby?

De-calf-inated.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

What do you call a sleeping T-Rex?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a cat on the beach?

Sandy Claws.

What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper?

A Bronto-snorus.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

Bugs Bunny.

What do you call a pile of kittens?

A meow-ntain.

What do you call a magic dog?

A Labracadabrador.

I asked my dog what's two minus two.

He said nothing.

What do you call a horse that lives next door?

A neigh-bor.

What do you call a cat that was caught by the police?

The purrpetrator.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

What do you call a cow during an earthquake?

A milkshake.

What do you call a dog that does magic?

A Labracadabrador.

What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?

A boa constructor.

What do you call a baby monkey?

A chimp off the old block.

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara?

Lost.

What do you call a bear with no ears?

B.

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam.

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bull-dozer.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

What do you call birds that stick together?

Vel-crows.

What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A stega-snore-us.

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A maybe.

What do you call a fish that practices medicine?

A sturgeon.

What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?

An alley-gator.

Why did the fisherman put peanut butter into the sea?

To go with the jellyfish.

What do you call a dog magician?

A Labracadabrador.

What do you call a sleeping T-Rex?

A dino-snore.

What do you call a pile of cats?

A meow-ntain.

What do you call a bear caught in the rain?

A drizzly bear.

What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A little hoarse.

What do you call a toothless bear?

A gummy bear.

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

What do you call a pig that knows karate?

A pork chop.

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?

Because it was a little horse.

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison.

Why can't a leopard hide?

Because he's always spotted.

What do you call a duck that gets all A's?

A wise quacker.

What's a cat's favorite color?

Purr-ple.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

What do you call a group of disorganized cats?

A cat-astrophe.

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

Why don't elephants use computers?

Because they're afraid of the mouse.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

What do you call a fish without eyes?

A fsh.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

Why don't oysters share their pearls?

Because they're shellfish.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts.

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A Labracadabrador.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.