Family Dad Jokes

I opened my birthday card and a bunch of rice fell out… I instantly knew who it was from.

Uncle Ben.

My wife asked me to stop singing 'I'm a Believer.'

Then I saw her face.

Why do dads always carry a spare joke?

In case the first one doesn't land — but they tell it anyway.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape.

That would be a big step forward.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the store.

I brought 7 Up.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with.

She said yes, the others were all nines and tens.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.

What do you call a man who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?

A faux pa.

What do you call a dad who falls through the ice?

A pop-sicle.

My kid said, 'Dad, can you put my shoes on?'

I said, 'No, I don't think they'll fit me.'

Why did the daddy longlegs go to the bar?

To get a round in for his kids.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

I had to put my foot down.

I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper.

She said, 'Dad, it's 2026. Use my phone.' That spider never saw it coming.

My son asked me to put his shoes on.

But they don't fit me.

Why do dads tell dad jokes?

Because the kids won't laugh at grandpa jokes yet.

What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato?

Ketchup!

My kid asked me to stop singing Wonderwall.

I said maybe.

Why do dads always carry a spare joke?

In case the first one doesn't land — but they tell it anyway.