Food & Drink Dad Jokes

I found a great website for ordering sausage…

I’ll send you the link.

I went my whole life absolutely certain I’d never get a phone call from a vegetable…

Then one day… Onion rings.

I opened a bakery…

business is rising.

What do you call a cow that can cook?

A moo-ster chef.

What do you call an angry carrot?

A steamed veggie.

Why did the man bring a backpack to the restaurant?

He wanted a packed lunch.

What do you call a cow that works at a coffee shop?

A barista.

What do you call a cow with full armor?

Sir Loin.

Why did the man bring a jacket to the restaurant?

He heard the food was chili.

Why did the man bring a telescope to the restaurant?

He heard the food was stellar.

I have a joke about pizza.

Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Why did the man bring a calculator to the restaurant?

He wanted to count his calories.

Why did the man bring a compass to the restaurant?

He heard the food was out of this world.

Why did the man bring a mirror to the restaurant?

So he could watch his diet.

Why did the man bring a bag of chips to the party?

In case there was a dip.

Why did the man wear a helmet at dinner?

He was on a crash diet.

What do you call a sad coffee?

A depresso.

What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

Why do melons have weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.

What do you call a sleeping pizza?

A piZZZa.

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he was a fungi.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An im-pasta.

What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because it lost its filling.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

It ran out of juice.

What do you call a sleeping pizza?

A piZZZa.

What do you call a cold dog?

A chili dog.

Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner is on me.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because it felt crummy.

What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeño business.

Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?

Because they're fun guys.

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Wasabi!

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?'

He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because it wasn't peeling well.

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

What do you call a sleeping pizza?

A piZZZa.

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

They'd crack each other up.

I would avoid the sushi if I were you.

It's a little fishy.

I'm on a seafood diet.

I see food and I eat it.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.