Wordplay & Pun Dad Jokes

The inventor of the Ferris wheel and the inventor of the merry-go-round never crossed paths...

They just traveled in different circles

I heard on the news someone’s been stealing wheels off police cars…

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

I’m sorry to hear your uncle got run over by a boat in Venice…

My gondolences.

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia…

He said, “Sure knock yourself out.”

I asked my friend Nick, if I could borrow 5 cents.

But he was Nicholas.

If a drummer comes out of retirement will there be repercussions?

Well hopefully…

If time is money…

Then ATMs must be time machines.

What’s the difference between a dad joke and an athletic rabbit?

One’s a bit funny… and the other’s a fit bunny.

I saw a brand new clock in the garbage the other day.

Such a waste of time

BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU FOLLOW THE MASSES

SOMETIMES THE M IS SILENT

A 3 foot, 3 inch tall man knocked at my door this morning. I said: "Who are you?"

He said: "I'm the meter man."

I used to think I had a Japanese friend.

But it was just my Imagine Asian

Did you hear about the guy who collapsed while climbing Mount Everest?

Authorities just found Himalayan there.

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie. Clooney says, "I'll direct." DiCaprio says, "I'll act."

McConaughey says, "I'II write, I'll write, I'll write."

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Ilene.

What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

What do you call a woman standing on one leg?

Eileen.

What do you call a man hanging on the wall?

Art.

What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms or legs?

Bob.

What do you call a man lying on your doorstep?

Matt.

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.

Feefiphobia.

What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?

Douglas.

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

Doug.

What do you call a man who can't stand?

Neil.

I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know Y.

I tried to catch fog yesterday.

I mist.

What do you call a sleeping bag?

A nap sack.

What do you call a shoe made of a banana?

A slipper.

What do you call a sleeping bag?

A nap sack.

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

What do you call a lazy person in Japan?

Japanapping.

What do you call a fake stone?

A shamrock.

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus.

Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?

He was stuck in a vicious cycle.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?

A slipper.

What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

A satisfactory.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

What do you call a hippie's wife?

Mississippi.

What do you call a funny mountain?

Hill-arious.

What do you call a shoe made of a banana?

A slipper.

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two-tired.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

I'm afraid for the calendar.

Its days are numbered.

What do you call a magician who lost their magic?

Ian.

What do you call a dinosaur that crashes their car?

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

I have a joke about paper.

Never mind, it's tearable.

Why did the gym close down?

It just didn't work out.

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?

A barber-queue.

I have a joke about chemistry.

But I don't think it will get a reaction.

Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

An abdominal snowman.

I used to play piano by ear.

Now I use my hands.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

I have a joke about time travel.

But you didn't like it.

I told my suitcases there will be no vacation this year.

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.

I'm so good at sleeping.

I can do it with my eyes closed.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

I used to be a personal trainer.

Then I gave my too weak notice.

What do you call a belt made of watches?

A waist of time.