Every Joke,
Its Own Page

Volkswagen should bring back the Beetle as an electric car…

They could call it the Lightning Bug.

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie. Clooney says, "I'll direct." DiCaprio says, "I'll act."

McConaughey says, "I'II write, I'll write, I'll write."

Mortal Kombat was actually based on a Scandinavian church song.

It was a Finnish hymn

A friend of mine said he doesn't understand cloning.

I told him that makes two of us

Nurse: "There's a man in the waiting room who thinks he's invisible."

Doctor: "Tell him I can't see him today."

HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED QUIET TENNIS?

IT'S THE SAME AS REGULAR TENNIS BUT WITHOUT THE RACKET.

Bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket this morning.

Sprayed it all over myself Still can’t fly.

What do you call a professional javelin thrower who just got diagnosed with Parkinson’s?

Shakespeare

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Ilene.

I used to be a banker.

But I lost interest.

What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend.

She was always trying to put me in her equation.

What do you call a woman standing on one leg?

Eileen.

My wife asked me to stop singing 'I'm a Believer.'

Then I saw her face.

What do you call a man hanging on the wall?

Art.

I'm so good at sleeping.

I can do it with my eyes closed.

What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms or legs?

Bob.

I don't trust people who do acupuncture.

They're back stabbers.

What do you call a man lying on your doorstep?

Matt.

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.

Feefiphobia.

What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?

Douglas.

Why did the man bring a ladder to church?

He wanted to reach a higher power.

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

Doug.

I went to buy some camo pants.

But I couldn't find any.